Letting it out

Resigning

Signed.

Turned in.

December 15th.

5 more weeks.

A comfortable well-worn shoe of a job - gone.

Snob or not?

As I gear up for the move, I am going through loads and loads of nonsense.  I do a scan of all the kids' toys and think about which ones will stay in storage and which ones will be brought into my parents' house and finally which ones to get rid of.  I have a hard time throwing away toys, especially when they are in perfect condition and have not been used for a lengthy amount of time.  I have tried selling some bigger items, with no such luck.  I don't know anyone here in GA that can use what I have due to ages.  I know quite a few people back in Illinois who have children smaller than mine, including my sister.  I talked to my sister about a couple of the bigger toys that her daughter could easily start playing with or soon be playing with.  All I heard was, I don't want any more toys (not that the baby has but a handful - because that would mean her house would look like there were two children living there) and something about donations.  I went off a short tangent and told her that I wouldn't bother asking her if she would want anything for her daughter any more.  

It is still bothering me, an entire night of sleep and day later.  

I did find a friend of the family who was ecstatic when I offered her some items and then told her what they were.  

What is odd about the whole situation is that my sister will take any of the girl clothes I have, but won't take toys?  

What are your thoughts on used toys, clothes, and other items?  Does it matter whom they come from?  What are some items you have received from family, friends, and other resources?  

Me, I have received clothes from many different people at different stages of the kids' lives.  Doesn't bother me one bit.  Just this past week I received an extra pack and play from a friend - I was beyond excited as this helps with sleeping arrangements the night the movers load up the truck and the night we stay in a hotel.  

Faxing out my defeat

When we first made the decision to move, I had planned on just renting a moving truck and having my parents come down to assist with loading the vehicle.  I knew it would be a lot of work packing while working, but I knew I would find a way to get it done. 

This past summer when my mom was visiting, my dad got on the phone and told me that he was paying for movers to move me.  He explained that he would lose quite a bit of money by taking off a week of work, and knew that it would be hard for me to do all of this on my own.  For most people, they would be jumping up and down cheering, screaming, and just plain ecstatic.  I, though, am very far from normal.  I was crying because I felt defeated.  I hate, hate, HATE asking for help and have an even harder time accepting help, especially from my parents.  I feel that my parents have done their job already and I shouldn't have to ask or need their assistance any more.  So, when my dad offered these services, I tried to turn down his offer over and over again - because I knew there was no way we could afford to help out with the cost of movers.  I felt, and still feel, as if I am failing them.  Their daughter is losing those attributes that they worked so hard to instill in her.  Who am I becoming?   

All of these feelings have come to the forefront as I have just signed my name to a contract with a moving company.  As I get ready to fax over the contract I feel as if I'm rolling over and allowing life to take over and consume me.  I have been defeated. 

In case you were wondering

I haven't talked much about hubby and all that crappy stuff.  Just wanted to give some of you an update:

• He's in Kuwait for a little while longer

• He's absolutely miserable and I don't know how to help him

• He spends any moment he has standing in a 2 hour line trying to call home and when he gets up there the phones have stopped working.  If he can't get to the phones, he sits trying to get the internet to work.  

• I've talked to him on the phone 3 times and the computer two or 3 times.  Some convos are brief like this mornings at 4 am - it lasted a whopping 4 minutes as the sirens were blaring in the background letting him know they were having a drill.  

• He talked to Addyson and Eligh once.  

• We are hoping that when he gets to his FOB (forward operationg base in Iraq) he'll be on a schedule and the phones and internet work better - again we are hoping.  

Through all of this, I'm still chugging along and sadly used to him being away.  I don't like it, but there is no need to stress myself out about something I cannot change - instead I'm just dealing. 

Filed under procrastination/routine/a little OCD

I have mention more than once that I believe Addyson may have some OCD tendencies.  Many times I joke about it, but there is this little hint of maybe this isn't "normal," and maybe I should mention some of these things to the doctor, should I be writing some of these things down? 

Putting the babies to bed (every other night they get a bath): 

• Fastforward through dinner, clean up, and pjgs to 6.  At this time we all head to the computer to watch a story from dad that he previously recorded.  Addyson insists that she sits in the chair. 

• Soon after I get the twins into their room, close the door, and Addyson insists on going with me to get their toothbrushes.  "Mommy, just a little."  (said every single night)

• After we read a couple stories, we turn off the light and leave the lamp on so I can see.  I CANNOT put the babies in their bed without Addyson running over saying and doing the following, "Kiss, hugs."

• I clean up the kitchen and straighten the toys while she retires to "her" recliner to watch "Max and Ruby."  Following this ridiculous show, there is a song from some free spirited, hippy type woman, that I CANNOT turn off a moment too soon. 

Addyson's bath and bed routine:

• After previously mentioned dance and song, I start the shower.  I attempt to get Addyson's clothes off, but instead hear loud and very clear, "Addy do it!!!"  She takes off her clothes, she puts them in her hamper, and she gets into the tub by herself. 
• Toothbrushing follows:  "Addy do it!"  She turns on the water, gets her toothbrush and her paste ready; "Mommy, just a little."  I put the paste on the brush, and she has to brush first, I follow up. 
• Then, I must carry her to her room.  "Mommy, carry!"
• We sing the same book every night for about 2+ months, now.  I have tried skipping the first page, and she quickly points and yells, "Pablo!"  Grrrr.  Once I have sung all of the songs, I have to put the book on her other pillow - no where else. 
• The following occurs 4 times each night in the same order, "Kiss, no-nies, head, hugs."  Between the 2nd and 3rd time, she says, "Wast one."  (something I have told her a few times in the past)  After the 4th time I do this, she has to say the following in the same order or she starts all over again, "I love you, I miss you, good night!"  repeat, repeat, and then "Mommy, I go ni night?"  "Yes, Addyson you go ni night."  "Mommy, you go to couch?"  "Yes, Addyson I'll go to the couch."  (Oh, how I wish my day was done when I close her bedroom door)

These are just a few of the many routines my toddler MUST complete.  What happens if you don't?  A clutch your ears, run to your room, close the door, put your head under your pillow, fit. 

Thoughts?